12 weeks!

Next week I will officially be in the second trimester and I’m sooooo happy and excited for it. This is when I love pregnancy most. No more shots or drugs. Baby girl is going to be moving around a lot and soon I’ll get to start feeling it! That’s my most favorite. I seriously can’t imagine a better feeling in the world. I hope I never ever forget the joy and happiness I feel when I get to play with all these babies I’ve had rolling around inside me.

I have had a crazy last week. We unfortunately had a big scare last Friday. I went the the bathroom and there was so much blood. As crazy as it sounds I was confused on where the blood was coming from. Ricky of course was great and jumped into action. He called my mom and my dad came straight over and got Everett and also got our pizzas we had just ordered. We got to hospital and of course they took forever. 3 hours later we finally got in a room and the drs came in. They did the ultrasound and he was super secretive with it and that made me more nervous. Thankfully though he finally said he could see her and she was moving a lot! So I asked to see and he showed me. The ultrasound looked awful lol it looked like it was from 1972 lol. The quality was just so bad. I didn’t think she had a head. He assured me it was there. 😆 So Saturday I stayed in bed all day and did nothing. Thankfully I had no more bleeding all weekend. Monday I went back to my OB and we did another check. Baby girl still looks great. Praise Jesus! I don’t think I’ve ever been so relieved and happy to she her sweet little hands moving all around. She was touching her face and just wiggling all over. It was so great.

I’m just so happy and relieved we have made it this far. I know it’s all going to just fly by from here now. I’m happy for Karen and Rodger of course but oh so sad for me. I wish human pregnancies could last longer. 😂 I know most people don’t feel the way I do about that. I’m just going to do my very best to soak it all in and enjoy each day with sweet baby Mac! I can only imagine how sweet and perfect she is going to be. ❤️❤️❤️

How’s Baby Mac?

Your sweet baby continues to grow rapidly, measuring just over two inches long, about the size of an apricot.

Right now, Baby Mac is starting to develop reflexes as their brain continues to grow and their body to curl their fingers and toes. Your baby’s nerve endings are developing right along with their reflexes, and at this point, if you poke your abdomen, Baby Mac will respond by wriggling (though you almost certainly won’t feel it). And your wee one’s neck, which they’ve only just started to form in the last few weeks or so, has already begun to straighten as they lift their chin off of their chest.

Baby Mac is also just starting to practice breathing by inhaling and exhaling the amniotic fluid that surrounds them, which is made up of mostly water, their skin cells, and their waste. This may seem a little icky, to be sure, but it’s also just one of the many incredible ways your little one is preparing for life on the outside.

Pretty soon, your little one’s intestines are going to  move into their abdomen. Baby Mac is beginning to form the waste that will become their first poop, a tarry substance known as meconium.

What’s new with you?

The good news? As you move toward the end of the first trimester, it’s likely that many of the more unfortunate symptoms you experienced in the first trimester may be behind you, like fatigue and nausea. You may, though, have a few new symptoms popping up. Symptoms like increased vaginal discharge, headaches, saliva, and flatulence along with a heightened sense of smell are all common symptoms right now.

Heartburn is another notable symptom that causes many pregnant folks a lot of discomfort. This is because the same hormones that relax your muscles to make it easier to give birth also relax the valve that keeps the stomach acid out of your esophagus. Your expanding uterus, which by now has grown to the size of a softball, doesn’t help either. As your uterus grows, it puts pressure on your stomach, which can push acid into the esophagus. Thankfully, there are a number of steps you can take to try and reduce your heartburn. You can eat nutritious food in smaller, more frequent meals throughout the day, and take your time when eating. You can also avoid food and drink that increases heartburn for you (for many people this can include spicy foods, caffeine, greasy or fatty foods, acidic foods like citrus or tomatoes, and carbonated beverages), and avoid lying down right after eating or eating shortly before going to sleep. And while staying hydrated is important and you should be drinking water throughout the day, some people find it helps to drink water between meals but not during meals. It may take some trial and error to find what works for you, but hopefully some of these will help. And don’t feel that you have to go it alone — speak to your healthcare provider if your heartburn is persistent so they can help you find some relief.

I just love acting crazy. 😂

Happy 9 weeks and 3 days

How’s Baby Mac?

Happy 9 weeks. Things are going along pretty well. I’ve still been feeling pretty good. I have had a few days were I felt nauseous and just not good. But it hasn’t been to bad. My legs are also super crazy itchy from the meds I guess. So much so that I accidentally bruised myself pretty bad. I swear I didn’t think I was scratching that hard. Just 12 more days of meds. Not that I have a count down. 😂 I get asked alot how I’m feeling and I generally always say I feel good and fine. Because that’s generally true. We did have a scare last week though I had some slight spotting of brown blood. It’s never a good thing to see blood when you are pregnant. I tried to relax and not worry. I went to the dr and thankfully baby Mac was just fine in there. We didn’t get an explanation for what or why the bleeding happened. Thankfully since then I have had nothing though so that makes things much better!

I’ve had a couple people also ask about cravings. I guess I would say I am maybe craving soups? Lol I have been eating lots of soup the last week or two. I also always crave fruit in the beginning of my pregnancy’s. I’ve always loved fruit but, with each pregnancy I feel like I just want yummy ripe fruit all the time. Our next appointment is November 3rd. Karen is going to be in town for this one. I’m excited for her to be here. It feels like it’s been forever since I have seen her now. I’m thinking of all the fun St. Louis things to show her. Mostly food! 😆

Baby Mac is now almost an inch long (.9 inches), the size of a pecan, and though they’re not fully developed, all of their essential muscles and body parts are present. Your little one’s kidneys, liver, brain and lungs that are all starting to function on their own too, and they’re even starting to develop taste buds! Although Baby Mac’s eyes are forming more complex structures, their eyelids will shortly fuse shut for another four months or so. Your baby’s inner ear is also beginning to form the fluid that will allow them to develop a sense of balance. Baby Mac also has toes, bones in their arms, and joints that bend in their elbows.

Perhaps the most exciting part about week 9 is the increased likelihood that you may be able to hear Baby Mac’s heartbeat using a fetal doppler, a super special first for you and your little one. Baby Mac’s heart has been beating for a while now, but now it’s really starting to develop, forming distinct chambers and valves. They grow up so fast, don’t they?

My poor leg!

Med start day round 3.

Today is the day I’ll start all the meds again. I feel excited and anxious if that makes sense. I’m excited to be moving forward and trying again but I’m anxious knowing the transfer could fail again. I’m going to remain positive and pray for the best we all want this so badly. I feel like it just has to work this time. We are doing everything we can. Acupuncture twice a week and it’s going well. It is definitely starting to become more relaxing. I actually look forward to it! I’m hopeful that this will help with the little embryo to help him or her dig in deep. The studies seem to show it’s very helpful so why not. I will do acupuncture twice a week up until transfer and then I will do it an hour before and after the transfer!

Then as usual it’s a waiting game. That’s the difficult part. It’s hard to not get my hopes up every time. I want to be cautious but it’s hard to not get excited and think about how great it will all be as long as everything works. I have had a few dreams here lately where Rodger and Karen are at our home and drs appointments and stuff. I’m hoping that’s God reassuring me that it will work and this third try is the one!

Other then that life has been good. Getting the kids ready for school and soaking up every bit of summer I can get. We haven’t been to the pool as much this year. I need to get a few more days in before school goes back. We are also going to see GG for an extended weekend. We are all excited to visit her and I’m sure do a couple fun things with the kids when we are there. She lives in Branson area so there is plenty to see and do with the kids. I’ll update more often now that I’ve started meds again and will be having all the ultrasounds. This time just has to be it. Third times the charm.

3 day past 6 day transfer

I’m officially 3 days past the transfer at like 10 am today. I’m still in Chicago. I stayed in bed for two solid days. Day of transfer and the day after. Yesterday I ventured out and walked around. The weather was gorgeous low 70’s. I had some cramping the first day and a half I would say. Now nothing. It’s so hard knowing they put the embryo in and now you have to wait and over analyze every little thing. I have hours where I’m so at peace and confident that this time it’s the time. I feel like we had such a great transfer day. The embryo looked SO SO great and my lining was even thicker then last time. Plus the music gave me such comfort. It all seemed so meant to be. But then I also have too much time on my hands because I’m here alone 😂. That’s when my brain starts saying STOP you can’t be too excited Rashel. Sometimes it just doesn’t work. Then I spiral into what if it fails again. What if I take test after test and they are all white again. I will once again have to feel all the emotions while on all these crazy medications. Then I pick myself back up and say no stay positive. I know I have done everything perfectly. Taken all the meds and all the appointments looked great. My body has done everything it’s supposed to so that this little girl should want to stay. It’s now up to her, God and science!

I did finish my book and have watched some tv. Today is my last day in Chicago I go home tomorrow morning. Today is a BIG day for Karen she has been working hard for this fundraising event to help the boys and girls club. They will all get to wear gorgeous gowns and drink and dance the night away. Hopefully they raise lots of money from the auction to help the club. I get to go do hair for everyone tonight before they go out! I’m excited for that.

We decided to take our test tomorrow morning before I leave for the airport. I didn’t want to test today and her be sad or disappointed for the event she worked so hard for. Plus hopefully tomorrow we can have a stronger line on the test anyway. I keep visualizing there being two lines. We want it so bad. I know even if a line doesn’t show up tomorrow we would have time for it to show up but it sure would be nice to see it earlier. I really want Karen to have such great news.

Karen also gave me one of the best gifts ever while I was here. She is seriously too kind and a wonderful gift giver. She gave me a copy of a special poem that has significant meaning to her and Rodger. They always tell each other they have each other’s hearts and carry them. So then she gave me a heart necklace to Symbolize that I get to carry their baby’s heart! You guys 😭😭😭😭 it was so so beautiful. The meaning behind it is so incredibly beautiful. I am so lucky to be trusted with peoples most precious of things. Their babies! That will never be lost on me. I just keep praying so hard that this little girl is strong! That she can find a perfect cozy spot inside of me so that she can live and grow! So I can hold and protect her tiny heart until she’s big enough and ready to go to her mommy and daddy! I will keep this necklace on forever. ❤️🥰❤️

For a funny story yesterday Ricky told me that the cardinals were actually here in Chicago playing! I had no idea. So I was with Molly and I teased him that Molly just said I could go with them! (They always get season tickets and he knows it) I will upload the screen shots from our text. Let’s just say Ricky wasn’t happy that he didn’t get to go. 😂 But then when I got back to the room I had a delivery! It was an edible arrangement. Now I felt extra bad for the trick because I still hadn’t told him I wasn’t actually going to the game. Turns out he went to his physical therapy appointment and told everyone there how excited he was for me that I was going to a cards cubs game at Wrigley Field. 😆

So I will update everyone tomorrow at some point about our first test. Please PLEASE be praying and sending all your good thoughts and emotions our way. We need them. here are the fun pictures so far.

First messages!
Second message and then he FaceTimed us! 😂
I just happened to have packed one cards shirt so I put it on to show him I was going! 😂
My delicious delivery
❤️😘❤️
The poem. ❤️😭❤️
It’s so so pretty
It’s perfect!!!

Transfer day try number 2!

I flew in yesterday alone. Ricky couldn’t come with me this time. I was a little sad but honestly a hotel all alone is kind of a nice thought as a mom. I brought two books and hoping to finish at least one. Last night I spent the night enjoying margaritas and wine with the girls. We laughed and laughed for hours and ate yummy food. It was a perfect night to keep busy and keep my mind off things. I got back to the hotel by like 10ish. I fell right asleep! (Thanks wine) 😂 I kept waking up all night though checking the time and having super weird dreams. I finally got up at 5 am and took a bath. This is a different hotel but also has a wonderful bath tub. I’m really going to need to invest in a bathtub for home. I got out and tried to lay back down. Surprisingly I fell asleep for another hour or so.

I got up to get ready and turned on my Christian radio on my phone. Almost immediately my favorite song came on and I sat on the floor and had a really good crying and praying session. Then the next song was even more impactful. I hate being emotional and crying but on things like this it’s all just TOO important. Im praying so so hard this time is it. This little girl needs to dig in deep so she can come meet us all in 9 plus months. She’s so very loved and wanted. I’ll include links to the songs if you want to listen. These are the order they came came on.

https://youtu.be/FW5o2uBeMWQ

https://youtu.be/YqHjjZz1Syg

This song was so so good and needed this morning.

Im still surprised by how perfect the songs were this morning when I needed them most. Today our plan is coming back to rest and order room service. Watch tv or a movie or read or nap or anything we want! Karen is going to be here in like 8 mins so I need to get down stairs. I’ll update later when I can.

It’s too risky to get sick now!
How sweet was this from the hotel. ❤️
Such a fun night full of laughter and fun.

Now I’m back in the room. Transfer is over. I was STARVING after so Karen and I ordered room service and it was super yummy. I decided to nap after so I slept for almost 3 hours. 😂😳 That’s a hefty nap even for me. I have been on the pio shots now for awhile and it makes your body think it’s pregnant so I know it’s making me extra sleepy too. For some exciting news: I for the first time gave myself my own BUTT SHOT!!! I decided since Ricky couldn’t come that I would be brave and try myself. Actually it was SO much easier and better when I do them myself. I can’t believe after all these years and transfers I’ve finally done them myself. I think because I’m doing it the anticipation isn’t so bad. So woohoo for me. My butt is still sore and lumpy from the meds but the actual injection itself isn’t so bad now that I’m doing them. Just getting the angle part right is hard. I have to be a pro contortionist 😂.

So now we will wait and hope and pray this little girl is sticking in there. I believe Karen and I will test again before I leave but I’m leaving it up to her. As for now we are staying positive and hopeful. The baby girl embryo looked so so good. She was hatching a lot even the Dr made note of how great it looked.

Look I’m getting pregnant! 😂
Look at this little lady go! GROW BABY GROW!
This is the video of the actual transfer. I know I’ve had people ask what they actually do. ❤️

My last 2 appointments

Well I didn’t update after my last one. 😂 Sorry guys. My last appointment was last Wednesday my lining thickness was 14! Again I only need to be at a 10 anymore is just a bonus. So today when I went in I was at about 18 she said. This is even thicker then last transfer so I’m hoping this will be extra helpful for baby girl to snuggle in deep.

This week we went to the zoo and we had a great time with the kids. I tried to convince Ricky to take me and the kids to Disney this weekend before my transfer but he said no and when I looked up the parks we couldn’t even get in to the ones I wanted to go to. 😂 So I guess my idea won’t happen. Our Puppy Bo Bear is getting super big and still learning and eating all the things he shouldn’t. Like leaves, sticks, mulch and paper. Good news he’s so cute we love him anyway.

Im excited for my blood work to come back and see what my estrogen is at because I know it’s super HIGH. I can cry just thinking about crying. 😭 😂 I have cried watching silly tv shows and I almost cried at the zoo yesterday. I don’t even remember why that’s how emotional I am right now. The silliest things just put me over the edge.

I’ll wait for FCI (the fertility clinic) to call me today with their update and then on Monday I will be flying out to Chicago. Karen and I are so excited to try again I have everything crossed and so many prayers that this time it will work. I need to see a positive pregnancy test this time! If I’m looking for up sides I’ll get to go back to Chicago and see my friends and enjoy a nice hotel stay without the kids and Ricky. I will get to sleep in and order food or go shopping 🛍 on Michigan Avenue! I’m sure I will come up with plenty to do. I can also finish reading my book I started.

I’ll update everyone on transfer day. Keep the prayers and good thoughts coming our way!

This was last weeks at 14 for thickness
Blood work from last week
Today’s lining at 18ish 😍
My sweet message from Ricky before my appointment today
Look how big this dog is getting!

Support

Look at these beautiful flowers that arrived today. I was definitely surprised to say the least. The extra family/friendship I have gained from surrogacy is something I often struggle to put into words. The love and support I share with these 3 women are beyond what I ever dreamed or expected. We all share something most others will never understand. We have been together during some of the most important and exciting times of each other’s lives. We have also been together through some of the saddest and most difficult.

These women/families have literally seen me naked pushing out their babies. Poor Molly and Jon watched me bleed out. They have watched me cry and held me for epidurals. Let me squeeze hands while I was pushing and held my super heavy legs up. 😆

So often you hear of mean, jealous, gossiping women. We have all met women like this. I am happy to say I have created friendships and bonds with women that are 100% not like that! I love that through all my journeys I have built real life long friends. Molly was so supportive and excited when I helped Jenn! Now here Jenn is being so supportive when I try to help Karen. The exciting texts and calls for big days don’t go unnoticed. I love that we all share something that no one else could possibly understand.

I’m sad these women couldn’t carry their own babies but how blessed am I that I was able to meet them because of it. My life would be so very different without all these people in it.

Jenn these flowers mean more then you know. Your family and our friendship is such a wonderful gift to me and my family.

Molly and Karen have called multiple times sent texts and left sweet messages checking in on me. It’s all these things that make the hard times worth it. I know the exciting times are coming and all the sad hard times will be worth it. ❤️

People tell me over and over how wonderful or special I am. Seriously my hand to God I am the one to have been blessed beyond measure by these families I have helped. It’s indescribable. 🥰

7 days past transfer

Well I’ve still been trying to get something to pop up on the pregnancy tests and I’ve had little glimpses of something trying to come through. Yesterdays test looked promising so I figured today’s would look good in the morning. Sadly it didn’t. I don’t feel like I see anything at all. It all sucks. I know this is part of the process and it can happen but it doesn’t make it suck any less.

Thursday is the official blood draw day so I’m not going to take any more tests until blood work comes back. I’m at the place now I think it’s mentally best to prepare for a fail and hope to be surprised by blood work. This sucks for us all. We all put so much work into this for it to not work. I know we did everything we could though. I’m going to suck it up and power through the week.

I will update everyone on Thursday after I get the official confirmation either way. Thanks as always for all the thoughts and prayers say a couple extra for Karen I know how much she wants this. ❤️

10 days until transfer!

Well I have been on my ivf drugs. Things are going well. I’m hormonal and crazy as expected with all the estrogen and progesterone. I’m definitely getting excited now. Today is our last ultrasound appointment to check lining and blood work. In the mean time we got a puppy last week and boy are we tired. He’s so sweet but man I forgot how hard puppies are. All the potty training and crying at night. Basically I have a newborn at home. 😂

Today when I got to my appointment they told me they didn’t have someone to do the ultrasound!!! Mind you I had this scheduled for OVER a month now. To say I was frustrated would be an understatement. I let them know it had to be done today so after some waiting they filled out a new order and sent me on my way to the hospital. I went straight there and the hospital staff was so kind and helpful once I explained how important it was to be done today! They called and were able to squeeze me in so I go back at 3pm today.

I called FCI and they were so nice and said for me to just make sure I ask what my lining thickness is today and let them know. On Tuesday it was 10mm so I know that’s already good. they need a minimum of 8 to do transfer so since I’m over that we are good. I will start the big butt shots next week. Eeek my poor butt is already dreading this. 😂

So I will fly out next Sunday morning and transfer will be Monday!!! We also got exciting news that Karen gets to come to the transfer with me now. That makes us both happy. It’s a really cool experience to see the baby/embryo go in so I’m happy she gets to see it now also. ❤️❤️❤️

I will be in Chicago for a bit after transfer for couch rest. Sign me up for this. 😂 I love napping and resting. I know Karen is planning some fun things for us while I’m in town and I’m excited to meet more of her friends. Plus I’ll get to spend some time with Molly and Jon and the girls. Im hoping the weather stays nice and I can do some fun shopping as well! I’ve been eyeing some cute new summer tote bags… 🤫 Dont tell Ricky! 😂

After my final appointment yesterday my blood work was all good and my lining was 12.2 so I’m perfectly fluffy and I’m praying baby digs in deep and I have a perfect little home for 9 plus months.

30 weeks

30 weeks means only 10 weeks left! Actually we only have 9 or less since Dr Sammons said she would induce us on June 30th if I don’t go before then. On one hand I’m so incredibly excited for J and K and on the other I’m sad that my time is coming to an end with my belly buddy. 🥰 The end of pregnancy is my absolute favorite. I love all the big movements and all the excitement that comes with contractions and labor.

Yesterday at work I was super busy and when I got home I noticed I definitely had some mild swelling in my ankles! This hasn’t happened since I was pregnant with Ellie. I am glad I have only had one pregnancy that swelling was an issue because I can honestly say it sucks. I hate fat sore feet. Thankfully by this morning my feet were just fine.

We had a Dr appointment today and it was an easy quick appointment. We checked on baby and he looks good. He was actually head down today too! Now who knows how long it will last but I really hope this little guy will be extra nice to us all and just stay head down so we have less to worry about. He is definitely quite the mover in there though and I love it. I got some good kicks on video the other day to send to his mom and dad.

I’ve definitely started getting more sleepy again and my major craving is still ice 🧊. I love long naps and lots of trips to the bathroom all day and night. The kids are getting super excited for baby to come too. Kailynn is excited to see him and I’m pretty sure Everett is just excited because he knows we are going back to Disney after baby comes. 😂 I’m pretty excited to go back to Disney too.

It’s so crazy how fast all this goes. I feel like I was just suffering with all the shots and extra hormones. Now looking at how big this guy is getting and knowing soon he will make his grand introduction into this world. I’m excited to see exactly what he looks like. All those little features we see on ultrasound in real life. I just know Mr Leaf is going to be a great big brother. Like most siblings I’m sure he has no idea what’s really in store for him though. 😂 I remember Kailynn was so confused that this new baby was just going to be staying with us every day! That all changes quickly though and then they have a built in best friend.

I’ll post what baby LB is up too now and some new pictures.

Baby LB is growing like crazy, now 16-17 inches, the size of a cantaloupe, and probably weighing somewhere near three and a half pounds. At this point, most babies will start to move from the breech position (head up) to the birth position (head down) where their heads are delivered first. If your healthcare provider says Baby LB doesn’t appear to be moving from the breech position, you can ask them about exercises to encourage Baby LB into a head down birth position. In all likelihood, though, your little one is already rotating towards that birth position as you both move closer to that special day!

How else is your little one developing this week? Baby LB’s lanugo, the furry coat that’s been keeping them warm in the womb, will begin to fall off this week as they put on enough fat to keep them warm without it. Your little one is going to start putting on up to a half pound each week until they’re born — they’ll be far less little in just a few weeks! 

Your baby’s eyes are also still developing. And while they can open their eyes, right now their vision is extremely poor. It will continue to improve while Baby LB is in the womb, and soon this development will speed up. They might reach the point of being able to track objects moving horizontally and vertically in just a few short weeks, and by week 34, they’ll probably have vision that’s just as strong as it will be at birth.

What’s new with you?

Around now, you might notice a return of the mood swings you may have thought you left behind in the first trimester. You also might have paradoxical symptoms, like increased tiredness right alongside difficulty sleeping. These issues are common, and the important thing is that you’re three-quarters of the way done with all of these frustrations, and three-quarters of the way to meeting Baby LB.

And as you approach delivery day, it’s increasingly important to start planning for some of the important, practical things in Baby LB’s life, like their nursery or sleep space. The transition from the womb to the world is a pretty drastic one, and you want Baby LB to be in a comfortable and nurturing environment so that they can be as happy and healthy as possible. So it’s also a good time to start thinking about things like where you’re going to get baby supplies, like diapers (you’ll need diapers!), and set up a crib or bassinet if you haven’t already. 

If you have a partner, it’s great to include them in all of this prep. It can make for a nice bonding experience for you both and help them prepare for the big change happening in both of your lives — and get used to the idea that they’re going to be changing a LOT of those diapers! This is also a great time for them to spend some quality time with your growing bump, which can be a sweet way for them to nurture their bond with Baby LB even before your little one is born. Let them talk to Baby LB, touch your bump, and try to feel some of your growing baby’s movements so they can appreciate just how huge, and how wonderful, this change in your lives is going to be.

Swollen ankles ewww
Kailynn took these photos and she wanted me to be a model she said. 🤪
Awe baby kicks