Look at these beautiful flowers that arrived today. I was definitely surprised to say the least. The extra family/friendship I have gained from surrogacy is something I often struggle to put into words. The love and support I share with these 3 women are beyond what I ever dreamed or expected. We all share something most others will never understand. We have been together during some of the most important and exciting times of each other’s lives. We have also been together through some of the saddest and most difficult.
These women/families have literally seen me naked pushing out their babies. Poor Molly and Jon watched me bleed out. They have watched me cry and held me for epidurals. Let me squeeze hands while I was pushing and held my super heavy legs up. 😆
So often you hear of mean, jealous, gossiping women. We have all met women like this. I am happy to say I have created friendships and bonds with women that are 100% not like that! I love that through all my journeys I have built real life long friends. Molly was so supportive and excited when I helped Jenn! Now here Jenn is being so supportive when I try to help Karen. The exciting texts and calls for big days don’t go unnoticed. I love that we all share something that no one else could possibly understand.
I’m sad these women couldn’t carry their own babies but how blessed am I that I was able to meet them because of it. My life would be so very different without all these people in it.
Jenn these flowers mean more then you know. Your family and our friendship is such a wonderful gift to me and my family.
Molly and Karen have called multiple times sent texts and left sweet messages checking in on me. It’s all these things that make the hard times worth it. I know the exciting times are coming and all the sad hard times will be worth it. ❤️
People tell me over and over how wonderful or special I am. Seriously my hand to God I am the one to have been blessed beyond measure by these families I have helped. It’s indescribable. 🥰
Well beta day is usually filled with excitement trying to think of how high your first beta numbers may be. They like to see over 100. Obviously with all my negative tests I wasn’t expecting a good outcome. I won’t lie though I was still secretly hoping for a miracle.
I got the results about 2ish they called and I already knew because I had checked my quest email a few minutes before. It was definitely negative. I know I/we gave this baby girl all we could and for some reason God must have had another plan. It 100% still sucks and I hate it. This part never seems fair. I mean we did EVERYTHING we were supposed to do. All my meds all my appointments looked good. My lining was triple striped. The embryos are all genetically tested and graded. All they can say is sorry and sometimes it still doesn’t work. 😔
I take comfort in knowing that I did my very best to give her a loving, thick, warm little uterus to try her very best to snuggle into. I feel grateful knowing that I am trusted by Karen and Rodger to hold their baby until she or he is ready for this great big world. What a honor and privilege it is for these families to trust me with literally the most precious cargo. ❤️
If I’m trying to find a bright side then these are the things.
1. I stop meds today so no more butt shots! I now get a break for a bit.
2. I’m going to have a drink tonight! I deserve it! 😂
3. I get to go back to Chicago and visit my friends again. I’ll bring them more salsa too!
So now the plan is to stop meds wait for a terrible period and start birth control again. Then I will go right back into Lupron and eventually progesterone in oil again before transfer (butt shots). Then transfer another sweet embryo into my uterus again. I’m sad but also happy to have a plan moving forward. Here is to a hopeful may transfer!
Sorry I also hate when I post the negative sad stuff but it’s real and sadly part of the process.
The new puppy gave me lots of love. We got our kit kit a sweater and she’s not a fan. 😂
Well I’ve still been trying to get something to pop up on the pregnancy tests and I’ve had little glimpses of something trying to come through. Yesterdays test looked promising so I figured today’s would look good in the morning. Sadly it didn’t. I don’t feel like I see anything at all. It all sucks. I know this is part of the process and it can happen but it doesn’t make it suck any less.
Thursday is the official blood draw day so I’m not going to take any more tests until blood work comes back. I’m at the place now I think it’s mentally best to prepare for a fail and hope to be surprised by blood work. This sucks for us all. We all put so much work into this for it to not work. I know we did everything we could though. I’m going to suck it up and power through the week.
I will update everyone on Thursday after I get the official confirmation either way. Thanks as always for all the thoughts and prayers say a couple extra for Karen I know how much she wants this. ❤️
Happy April 1st. Today is the day Karen and I have been waiting on where she will come over and we will take a home pregnancy test together. We have both been anxious the last day and a half at least. We had wonderful massages and pedicures yesterday so that helped take our minds off it a bit. It’s 6:00 am and we are not testing until 11:30 ish. I will officially be 4dp 6dt! I am excited and terrified all at the same time. On one hand I feel like a line is for sure going to pop right up. I feel it. I feel so tired and I definitely had the cramping and I felt like I could really smell stuff too! Yesterday after my nap I felt so nauseous for like an hour or more. The problem is I obviously over analyze everything because I know they put a baby in there! The pio butt injections are also supposed to literally make my body think it’s pregnant so it really could all be tied to that as well.
It’s honestly hard to distinguish how real it is. They just have me on so many drugs. I keep telling myself even if there is not a line it’s totally ok and we have plenty of time. While I know that’s technically true it will also still be crushing to not have a second line today. I’ve never tested in person with anyone before. It’s one thing to call and tell someone you don’t see anything yet. It’s a whole new thing to have her go look and SEE her disappointment. Thats my biggest fear right now. But the other side of that coin is I could be seeing joy, excitement, happy tears and pure happiness. That’s obviously the outcome I really really want to happen.
I have had a couple people ask if I would cheat and test before we test together and I won’t/wouldn’t. I want this to be real and authentic no matter what today’s outcome may be. That’s not to say I haven’t been tempted believe me I have! Yesterday in my transfer group two other girls who transferred the same day as me all got very faint positive tests. I am so excited for them and hopefully things continue in the right direction and the lines just keep getting brighter. I even asked Karen yesterday if she wanted to just try testing yesterday after our appointment and she’s obviously way stronger then me because I was ready to cave and go for it. She said no let’s just go ahead and wait until tomorrow! I’m positive that was the better choice 😂.
So now I just keep waiting until 11:30 rolls around and we get to take a test. I just wanted to get my real thoughts and emotions out here before it was actually test time. I will update with the good or not good news later. (Hopefully hopefully good) I will also add a picture of my test I took last time when it was positive at 4 days past transfer! This looks me I feel like was super bright and it was with baby Oliver. I hope this baby Girl is digging in deep and throwing out tons of hcg as well.
This was Oliver’s test! Oliver’s test 4 days past transfer The room service breakfast here is so so good.
Ok it’s now 11:13 and Karen is on her way. I’m seriously sooooo anxious 😬 it’s terrible terrible. I don’t know why we thought this was a good idea. 😂 Oh please please let this turn out ok.
Ok it’s now 5:23 so way later sorry guys. Karen got here and I peed. I brought the cup out so we could do them together and walk away.
We waited the 3 mins like the first response test said and I told Karen to go look. She did and sadly she said she didn’t see anything. I also went to look and I also didn’t see any lines or shadows. 😞 I obviously felt terrible and kept saying sorry. Karen took it well. Well as well as anyone could. We were just so hopeful obviously. We also both know 4dpt is super early still. I wanted to just cancel lunch and tell her to go without me. But we packed up and went to meet her friend Genevieve. I honestly had the best time!!! It was exactly what I needed I just wanted to crawl back in bed, cry and sleep. I’m so happy I didn’t. We laughed and talked for hours. She was so much fun and definitely my kind of person to hang out with. Obviously Karen only has the best friends! Everyone she knows is just incredible. ❤️ They both had drinks and I had some decaf coffees and lemon water. The food was great we went to RH and it’s just a beautiful spot. We also saw a couple get engaged!!! How adorable is that. Anyway Karen dropped me back off at the hotel and Ricky said he got me a surprise. He got me a chocolate cake to make me feel better.
How sweet is he.
He then saw me pick up the test again and I swore I could see a line now… He also said he saw it earlier but didn’t want to say anything to me. 😂 He knows I’m a psycho.
So I obviously immediately called Karen and was like wait now we see something! I did my best to take pictures and show her. It’s definitely outside the window of accurate test results so it could be a false positive perhaps but I’m going to hope and pray it’s not and that as the days go on the line gets darker and brighter. Regardless I go on the 7th for the official blood work. The good news is they have more embryos also and I know we can try again. I don’t want to have to but we can. 🥰 I’ll post the pictures of the dried test so you all can see also. Let’s all pray and cross all our fingers and toes for us to get brighter stronger lines in the official time frame so we can feel great about all this. We are going out to dinner tonight and we fly home tomorrow morning.
My Bump, Their Bun 