Well beta day is usually filled with excitement trying to think of how high your first beta numbers may be. They like to see over 100. Obviously with all my negative tests I wasn’t expecting a good outcome. I won’t lie though I was still secretly hoping for a miracle.

I got the results about 2ish they called and I already knew because I had checked my quest email a few minutes before. It was definitely negative. I know I/we gave this baby girl all we could and for some reason God must have had another plan. It 100% still sucks and I hate it. This part never seems fair. I mean we did EVERYTHING we were supposed to do. All my meds all my appointments looked good. My lining was triple striped. The embryos are all genetically tested and graded. All they can say is sorry and sometimes it still doesn’t work. 😔

I take comfort in knowing that I did my very best to give her a loving, thick, warm little uterus to try her very best to snuggle into. I feel grateful knowing that I am trusted by Karen and Rodger to hold their baby until she or he is ready for this great big world. What a honor and privilege it is for these families to trust me with literally the most precious cargo. ❤️

If I’m trying to find a bright side then these are the things.

1. I stop meds today so no more butt shots! I now get a break for a bit.

2. I’m going to have a drink tonight! I deserve it! 😂

3. I get to go back to Chicago and visit my friends again. I’ll bring them more salsa too!

So now the plan is to stop meds wait for a terrible period and start birth control again. Then I will go right back into Lupron and eventually progesterone in oil again before transfer (butt shots). Then transfer another sweet embryo into my uterus again. I’m sad but also happy to have a plan moving forward. Here is to a hopeful may transfer!

Sorry I also hate when I post the negative sad stuff but it’s real and sadly part of the process.