Happy 9 weeks. Things are going along pretty well. I’ve still been feeling pretty good. I have had a few days were I felt nauseous and just not good. But it hasn’t been to bad. My legs are also super crazy itchy from the meds I guess. So much so that I accidentally bruised myself pretty bad. I swear I didn’t think I was scratching that hard. Just 12 more days of meds. Not that I have a count down. 😂 I get asked alot how I’m feeling and I generally always say I feel good and fine. Because that’s generally true. We did have a scare last week though I had some slight spotting of brown blood. It’s never a good thing to see blood when you are pregnant. I tried to relax and not worry. I went to the dr and thankfully baby Mac was just fine in there. We didn’t get an explanation for what or why the bleeding happened. Thankfully since then I have had nothing though so that makes things much better!
I’ve had a couple people also ask about cravings. I guess I would say I am maybe craving soups? Lol I have been eating lots of soup the last week or two. I also always crave fruit in the beginning of my pregnancy’s. I’ve always loved fruit but, with each pregnancy I feel like I just want yummy ripe fruit all the time. Our next appointment is November 3rd. Karen is going to be in town for this one. I’m excited for her to be here. It feels like it’s been forever since I have seen her now. I’m thinking of all the fun St. Louis things to show her. Mostly food! 😆
Baby Mac is now almost an inch long (.9 inches), the size of a pecan, and though they’re not fully developed, all of their essential muscles and body parts are present. Your little one’s kidneys, liver, brain and lungs that are all starting to function on their own too, and they’re even starting to develop taste buds! Although Baby Mac’s eyes are forming more complex structures, their eyelids will shortly fuse shut for another four months or so. Your baby’s inner ear is also beginning to form the fluid that will allow them to develop a sense of balance. Baby Mac also has toes, bones in their arms, and joints that bend in their elbows.
Perhaps the most exciting part about week 9 is the increased likelihood that you may be able to hear Baby Mac’s heartbeat using a fetal doppler, a super special first for you and your little one. Baby Mac’s heart has been beating for a while now, but now it’s really starting to develop, forming distinct chambers and valves. They grow up so fast, don’t they?
I’m officially 3 days past the transfer at like 10 am today. I’m still in Chicago. I stayed in bed for two solid days. Day of transfer and the day after. Yesterday I ventured out and walked around. The weather was gorgeous low 70’s. I had some cramping the first day and a half I would say. Now nothing. It’s so hard knowing they put the embryo in and now you have to wait and over analyze every little thing. I have hours where I’m so at peace and confident that this time it’s the time. I feel like we had such a great transfer day. The embryo looked SO SO great and my lining was even thicker then last time. Plus the music gave me such comfort. It all seemed so meant to be. But then I also have too much time on my hands because I’m here alone 😂. That’s when my brain starts saying STOP you can’t be too excited Rashel. Sometimes it just doesn’t work. Then I spiral into what if it fails again. What if I take test after test and they are all white again. I will once again have to feel all the emotions while on all these crazy medications. Then I pick myself back up and say no stay positive. I know I have done everything perfectly. Taken all the meds and all the appointments looked great. My body has done everything it’s supposed to so that this little girl should want to stay. It’s now up to her, God and science!
I did finish my book and have watched some tv. Today is my last day in Chicago I go home tomorrow morning. Today is a BIG day for Karen she has been working hard for this fundraising event to help the boys and girls club. They will all get to wear gorgeous gowns and drink and dance the night away. Hopefully they raise lots of money from the auction to help the club. I get to go do hair for everyone tonight before they go out! I’m excited for that.
We decided to take our test tomorrow morning before I leave for the airport. I didn’t want to test today and her be sad or disappointed for the event she worked so hard for. Plus hopefully tomorrow we can have a stronger line on the test anyway. I keep visualizing there being two lines. We want it so bad. I know even if a line doesn’t show up tomorrow we would have time for it to show up but it sure would be nice to see it earlier. I really want Karen to have such great news.
Karen also gave me one of the best gifts ever while I was here. She is seriously too kind and a wonderful gift giver. She gave me a copy of a special poem that has significant meaning to her and Rodger. They always tell each other they have each other’s hearts and carry them. So then she gave me a heart necklace to Symbolize that I get to carry their baby’s heart! You guys 😭😭😭😭 it was so so beautiful. The meaning behind it is so incredibly beautiful. I am so lucky to be trusted with peoples most precious of things. Their babies! That will never be lost on me. I just keep praying so hard that this little girl is strong! That she can find a perfect cozy spot inside of me so that she can live and grow! So I can hold and protect her tiny heart until she’s big enough and ready to go to her mommy and daddy! I will keep this necklace on forever. ❤️🥰❤️
For a funny story yesterday Ricky told me that the cardinals were actually here in Chicago playing! I had no idea. So I was with Molly and I teased him that Molly just said I could go with them! (They always get season tickets and he knows it) I will upload the screen shots from our text. Let’s just say Ricky wasn’t happy that he didn’t get to go. 😂 But then when I got back to the room I had a delivery! It was an edible arrangement. Now I felt extra bad for the trick because I still hadn’t told him I wasn’t actually going to the game. Turns out he went to his physical therapy appointment and told everyone there how excited he was for me that I was going to a cards cubs game at Wrigley Field. 😆
So I will update everyone tomorrow at some point about our first test. Please PLEASE be praying and sending all your good thoughts and emotions our way. We need them. here are the fun pictures so far.
I flew in yesterday alone. Ricky couldn’t come with me this time. I was a little sad but honestly a hotel all alone is kind of a nice thought as a mom. I brought two books and hoping to finish at least one. Last night I spent the night enjoying margaritas and wine with the girls. We laughed and laughed for hours and ate yummy food. It was a perfect night to keep busy and keep my mind off things. I got back to the hotel by like 10ish. I fell right asleep! (Thanks wine) 😂 I kept waking up all night though checking the time and having super weird dreams. I finally got up at 5 am and took a bath. This is a different hotel but also has a wonderful bath tub. I’m really going to need to invest in a bathtub for home. I got out and tried to lay back down. Surprisingly I fell asleep for another hour or so.
I got up to get ready and turned on my Christian radio on my phone. Almost immediately my favorite song came on and I sat on the floor and had a really good crying and praying session. Then the next song was even more impactful. I hate being emotional and crying but on things like this it’s all just TOO important. Im praying so so hard this time is it. This little girl needs to dig in deep so she can come meet us all in 9 plus months. She’s so very loved and wanted. I’ll include links to the songs if you want to listen. These are the order they came came on.
Im still surprised by how perfect the songs were this morning when I needed them most. Today our plan is coming back to rest and order room service. Watch tv or a movie or read or nap or anything we want! Karen is going to be here in like 8 mins so I need to get down stairs. I’ll update later when I can.
Now I’m back in the room. Transfer is over. I was STARVING after so Karen and I ordered room service and it was super yummy. I decided to nap after so I slept for almost 3 hours. 😂😳 That’s a hefty nap even for me. I have been on the pio shots now for awhile and it makes your body think it’s pregnant so I know it’s making me extra sleepy too. For some exciting news: I for the first time gave myself my own BUTT SHOT!!! I decided since Ricky couldn’t come that I would be brave and try myself. Actually it was SO much easier and better when I do them myself. I can’t believe after all these years and transfers I’ve finally done them myself. I think because I’m doing it the anticipation isn’t so bad. So woohoo for me. My butt is still sore and lumpy from the meds but the actual injection itself isn’t so bad now that I’m doing them. Just getting the angle part right is hard. I have to be a pro contortionist 😂.
So now we will wait and hope and pray this little girl is sticking in there. I believe Karen and I will test again before I leave but I’m leaving it up to her. As for now we are staying positive and hopeful. The baby girl embryo looked so so good. She was hatching a lot even the Dr made note of how great it looked.
Well I didn’t update after my last one. 😂 Sorry guys. My last appointment was last Wednesday my lining thickness was 14! Again I only need to be at a 10 anymore is just a bonus. So today when I went in I was at about 18 she said. This is even thicker then last transfer so I’m hoping this will be extra helpful for baby girl to snuggle in deep.
This week we went to the zoo and we had a great time with the kids. I tried to convince Ricky to take me and the kids to Disney this weekend before my transfer but he said no and when I looked up the parks we couldn’t even get in to the ones I wanted to go to. 😂 So I guess my idea won’t happen. Our Puppy Bo Bear is getting super big and still learning and eating all the things he shouldn’t. Like leaves, sticks, mulch and paper. Good news he’s so cute we love him anyway.
Im excited for my blood work to come back and see what my estrogen is at because I know it’s super HIGH. I can cry just thinking about crying. 😭 😂 I have cried watching silly tv shows and I almost cried at the zoo yesterday. I don’t even remember why that’s how emotional I am right now. The silliest things just put me over the edge.
I’ll wait for FCI (the fertility clinic) to call me today with their update and then on Monday I will be flying out to Chicago. Karen and I are so excited to try again I have everything crossed and so many prayers that this time it will work. I need to see a positive pregnancy test this time! If I’m looking for up sides I’ll get to go back to Chicago and see my friends and enjoy a nice hotel stay without the kids and Ricky. I will get to sleep in and order food or go shopping 🛍 on Michigan Avenue! I’m sure I will come up with plenty to do. I can also finish reading my book I started.
I’ll update everyone on transfer day. Keep the prayers and good thoughts coming our way!
Today is the day I start meds again. I will be starting the Lupron shots again tonight. This is the drug that puts my body into menopause. So I get super rage and all the other stuff. Like night sweats, insomnia and other fun stuff. Karen said I can call her and rage whenever I need too. 😆
I will go for lining check and blood work for the next 3 weeks and then I will fly out on the 30th for our transfer on the 31st! So just 29 days until transfer. I’m really hoping and praying this little girl sticks this time. I’m going to make sure to tell Dr Kaplan to push her in a little deeper this time. 😂 I will stay a few days after like last time and we will test together again before I leave.
It really REALLY sucked last time testing together and not getting a positive but I also know just how incredible and exciting it will be if we test together and we do get a positive so that’s what I’m really hoping happens this time. Ricky won’t be able to go with me this time. I have mixed emotions about it. 😂 Down side he won’t be there to spend time with when I’m bored… He also will not be able to give me my shots. Karen said she’s going to be brave and do them! I know she will do fine. The perks of Ricky not going are I get to be in a hotel room alone! I can watch what I pick, eat when I want and nap and shop when I want! No husband to say I don’t think you need that do you… 😆 I mean does anyone really NEED anything?
My Birthday is 6/8 and I’m telling everyone all I want for my birthday this year is to get pregnant with Karen and Rodgers baby! Plus any other gifts people decide they must get me. Im a size 12 days at the beach kinnda girl. 😆 So hopefully God willing this transfer will work just fine and then on 6/10 will be our first blood test to check for beta numbers. They typically like to see around 100 or more. I’ve always had a big mix of numbers. Ellie was my lowest at like 70 something and then I have had some pretty high ones where I was like oh crap what if this little one split into twins! I won’t lie that’s always my big fear.
Twins would be exciting and I would do my very best but I would just worry selfishly about me not being able to work as much and honestly just keeping two babies healthy in there. I know I’m a pro with one! I’ll post a picture of my med calendar so you all can see how crazy and in depth this stuff is. I read it each morning and each night just to make sure I am doing everything properly. I don’t want to mess anything up.
As always thanks for the continued thoughts and prayers for the baby, parents and me! Don’t forget to pray for Ricky and my kids who have a bit of a crazy rage mom for a few weeks. 😂
Say it with me: This time is the right time, this time baby girl is going to dig in deep and my body is ready to help her grow. 🥰
Look at these beautiful flowers that arrived today. I was definitely surprised to say the least. The extra family/friendship I have gained from surrogacy is something I often struggle to put into words. The love and support I share with these 3 women are beyond what I ever dreamed or expected. We all share something most others will never understand. We have been together during some of the most important and exciting times of each other’s lives. We have also been together through some of the saddest and most difficult.
These women/families have literally seen me naked pushing out their babies. Poor Molly and Jon watched me bleed out. They have watched me cry and held me for epidurals. Let me squeeze hands while I was pushing and held my super heavy legs up. 😆
So often you hear of mean, jealous, gossiping women. We have all met women like this. I am happy to say I have created friendships and bonds with women that are 100% not like that! I love that through all my journeys I have built real life long friends. Molly was so supportive and excited when I helped Jenn! Now here Jenn is being so supportive when I try to help Karen. The exciting texts and calls for big days don’t go unnoticed. I love that we all share something that no one else could possibly understand.
I’m sad these women couldn’t carry their own babies but how blessed am I that I was able to meet them because of it. My life would be so very different without all these people in it.
Jenn these flowers mean more then you know. Your family and our friendship is such a wonderful gift to me and my family.
Molly and Karen have called multiple times sent texts and left sweet messages checking in on me. It’s all these things that make the hard times worth it. I know the exciting times are coming and all the sad hard times will be worth it. ❤️
People tell me over and over how wonderful or special I am. Seriously my hand to God I am the one to have been blessed beyond measure by these families I have helped. It’s indescribable. 🥰
Well I’ve still been trying to get something to pop up on the pregnancy tests and I’ve had little glimpses of something trying to come through. Yesterdays test looked promising so I figured today’s would look good in the morning. Sadly it didn’t. I don’t feel like I see anything at all. It all sucks. I know this is part of the process and it can happen but it doesn’t make it suck any less.
Thursday is the official blood draw day so I’m not going to take any more tests until blood work comes back. I’m at the place now I think it’s mentally best to prepare for a fail and hope to be surprised by blood work. This sucks for us all. We all put so much work into this for it to not work. I know we did everything we could though. I’m going to suck it up and power through the week.
I will update everyone on Thursday after I get the official confirmation either way. Thanks as always for all the thoughts and prayers say a couple extra for Karen I know how much she wants this. ❤️
Happy April 1st. Today is the day Karen and I have been waiting on where she will come over and we will take a home pregnancy test together. We have both been anxious the last day and a half at least. We had wonderful massages and pedicures yesterday so that helped take our minds off it a bit. It’s 6:00 am and we are not testing until 11:30 ish. I will officially be 4dp 6dt! I am excited and terrified all at the same time. On one hand I feel like a line is for sure going to pop right up. I feel it. I feel so tired and I definitely had the cramping and I felt like I could really smell stuff too! Yesterday after my nap I felt so nauseous for like an hour or more. The problem is I obviously over analyze everything because I know they put a baby in there! The pio butt injections are also supposed to literally make my body think it’s pregnant so it really could all be tied to that as well.
It’s honestly hard to distinguish how real it is. They just have me on so many drugs. I keep telling myself even if there is not a line it’s totally ok and we have plenty of time. While I know that’s technically true it will also still be crushing to not have a second line today. I’ve never tested in person with anyone before. It’s one thing to call and tell someone you don’t see anything yet. It’s a whole new thing to have her go look and SEE her disappointment. Thats my biggest fear right now. But the other side of that coin is I could be seeing joy, excitement, happy tears and pure happiness. That’s obviously the outcome I really really want to happen.
I have had a couple people ask if I would cheat and test before we test together and I won’t/wouldn’t. I want this to be real and authentic no matter what today’s outcome may be. That’s not to say I haven’t been tempted believe me I have! Yesterday in my transfer group two other girls who transferred the same day as me all got very faint positive tests. I am so excited for them and hopefully things continue in the right direction and the lines just keep getting brighter. I even asked Karen yesterday if she wanted to just try testing yesterday after our appointment and she’s obviously way stronger then me because I was ready to cave and go for it. She said no let’s just go ahead and wait until tomorrow! I’m positive that was the better choice 😂.
So now I just keep waiting until 11:30 rolls around and we get to take a test. I just wanted to get my real thoughts and emotions out here before it was actually test time. I will update with the good or not good news later. (Hopefully hopefully good) I will also add a picture of my test I took last time when it was positive at 4 days past transfer! This looks me I feel like was super bright and it was with baby Oliver. I hope this baby Girl is digging in deep and throwing out tons of hcg as well.
Ok it’s now 11:13 and Karen is on her way. I’m seriously sooooo anxious 😬 it’s terrible terrible. I don’t know why we thought this was a good idea. 😂 Oh please please let this turn out ok.
Ok it’s now 5:23 so way later sorry guys. Karen got here and I peed. I brought the cup out so we could do them together and walk away.
We waited the 3 mins like the first response test said and I told Karen to go look. She did and sadly she said she didn’t see anything. I also went to look and I also didn’t see any lines or shadows. 😞 I obviously felt terrible and kept saying sorry. Karen took it well. Well as well as anyone could. We were just so hopeful obviously. We also both know 4dpt is super early still. I wanted to just cancel lunch and tell her to go without me. But we packed up and went to meet her friend Genevieve. I honestly had the best time!!! It was exactly what I needed I just wanted to crawl back in bed, cry and sleep. I’m so happy I didn’t. We laughed and talked for hours. She was so much fun and definitely my kind of person to hang out with. Obviously Karen only has the best friends! Everyone she knows is just incredible. ❤️ They both had drinks and I had some decaf coffees and lemon water. The food was great we went to RH and it’s just a beautiful spot. We also saw a couple get engaged!!! How adorable is that. Anyway Karen dropped me back off at the hotel and Ricky said he got me a surprise. He got me a chocolate cake to make me feel better.
He then saw me pick up the test again and I swore I could see a line now… He also said he saw it earlier but didn’t want to say anything to me. 😂 He knows I’m a psycho.
So I obviously immediately called Karen and was like wait now we see something! I did my best to take pictures and show her. It’s definitely outside the window of accurate test results so it could be a false positive perhaps but I’m going to hope and pray it’s not and that as the days go on the line gets darker and brighter. Regardless I go on the 7th for the official blood work. The good news is they have more embryos also and I know we can try again. I don’t want to have to but we can. 🥰 I’ll post the pictures of the dried test so you all can see also. Let’s all pray and cross all our fingers and toes for us to get brighter stronger lines in the official time frame so we can feel great about all this. We are going out to dinner tonight and we fly home tomorrow morning.
I’ll start with sadly J and K didn’t make it for the first ultrasound but I told them we could FaceTime hopefully. I actually slept great last night and Ricky took the day off to get some things done so he let me sleep in and took the kids to school. 🥰 After he got his errands done we went for breakfast. First watch my fav!
The girls at work are all praying for this baby to split so I have been a little anxious about it. I told J what they were up to and she said what if she secretly had been also…. AHHHH you guys are killing me. So my appointment was at 12:30 so we got there way too early because I was excited 😝. We finally got called back and the ultrasound technician was so excited for us that this time it worked. She has done all of my ultrasounds for both of these cycles.
So I get naked waist down and get in the table. They have to do a internal ultrasound because baby is still so tiny. Ricky FaceTimed J and I kept watching the screen trying to see a baby in there. I knew we should also be able to see the heartbeat already also so I wanted to make sure I could see that. I told her at least three times to really look and make sure if it was one or two.
At first I was worried I could see the blob of the baby but I couldn’t see the flickering of the heartbeat. She assured me it was there and she could see it. She zoomed in and then I could too!! 😍 I immediately felt so so much better and calm. Then I was on the hunt making sure I only saw the one little guy. Good news for me it looks like it’s one strong little guy growing in there. I’m so relieved and happy for all of us.
The ultrasound technician said baby looks perfect and is measuring at 6 weeks and 4 days so a little bigger then we’re we are. I should be 6 weeks one day since we know the exact moment he went in 😂. His heart rate is a solid 114 so that’s great too. So much joy and happiness today.
I wish I could better explain to people what this kind of experience is like but honestly unless you have been through it on one side or the other (surrogate or parents) it’s so hard to describe. If I’m honest I feel like I’m even more excited now since we sadly had the failed transfer. I hope the rest of the pregnancy goes smoothly. I am still feeling normal and just enjoying extra naps. I’m thinking my headaches have been more weather related then pregnancy. Now my dreams on the other hand are CRAZY!
I can’t even talk about all these dreams, but they are vivid and weird and way way out there 😂. I swear all night every night I wake up thinking WTF is that about. I know it’s normal for many but this is actually a first for me so it’s kinda cool. I should have another ultrasound in two more weeks and then I believe they should officially release us to my OB! This is exciting for me because I’m sick of all the meds and my butt hurts. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend as always thanks for all the prayers and support we appreciate all of it.
Well so far I feel well. I’ve had a few headaches that seem to come and go but thankfully Tylenol is doing the trick. It could also be from the weird weather we are having in November who knows. I’m pretty sure I left off with our second beta it was 478! That was a great number so the next blood beta day was on Monday basically we needed the number to be 1912 to know that it doubled again.
When they called they said my number was 3,495!!! 😳😳😳 Wow obviously it’s a super good jump. I was so happy but honestly also starting thinking oh boy what if it split! It’s always a small fear I have. While obviously I know the odds are slim it does happen and I’ve seen it happen to other girls who transfer just one. So I can’t help but think what if it’s me ahhhh.
So actually tomorrow is our first ultrasound to check on baby. I’m so excited to hopefully see a healthy heart beat. I’ve been eating a lot of fruit so that’s healthy and good. Although some of my pants have been a little snug by the end of the day…. 😆 At work last week I had to unbutton my pants at the end of my bad because I couldn’t take it anymore! I’ll update everyone tomorrow after the ultrasound.
Here is how baby B is doing.
Baby B has tiny little buds that are just waiting to bloom into arms, and his eyes are beginning to form. Many women in this week of their pregnancy experience morning sickness as well as exhaustion, so if you’re not feeling them yet, now’s a good time to clean up your diet and get plenty of water and exercise to try to head them off before they hit. If you’re already feeling them, it’s still a good time to make sure you’re eating as healthily as you can be, hydrating, and getting some exercise, to best deal with the symptoms.