Ultrasound day!

Today was our first ultrasound. Baby girl was in there and her little heart was flickering on the screen. It was such a beautiful little thing to see. We have all worked so so hard to get here. I’m so happy that it seems like we have made it to the other side now. I hope she keeps growing big and strong. I’m just so happy and thankful. She had a heart rate of 110 bpm

✨TRANSFER THREE IS MEANT TO BE✨

Happy 6 weeks

Today I am 6 weeks according to my pregnancy app. I just did an ivf calculator online and it said our due date would be May 18th. That seems like a great due date to me! Tomorrow at 1:30 will be my first ultrasound where they are looking for baby girl and looking for a heartbeat. They said sometimes you can’t see the heartbeat but I’ve always been able to see one at our first appointment so I sure hope we can this time too. I’m excited and a tiny bit anxious just because I was so worried about our first number of 44. But she sure has made up for it in all the following beta numbers! She more then doubled every single one.

Im feeling totally fine other then my darn pregnancy headaches and being a little extra tired. Im thankful for it all though because we worked so so hard to get here. My butt is getting pretty lumpy and sore as well. You should see all my sharps boxes full of needles! There is so so many. I sure hope tomorrow I have a wonderful ultrasound and get to share the good news with you all. Thanks for all the continued prayers I appreciate each and every one!

What is baby Mac up to this week?

Pregnancy is in full bloom, and unfortunately some common symptoms might be starting to kick up now too.

How’s Baby Mac?

Baby Mac is now the size of a chocolate chip, measuring approximately 1/4-1/2 an inch long. This may not seem huge, but just think about how much your little one has grown in the past month, from a tiny collection of cells to the increasingly complex human being-to-be who is currently in the process of sprouting all of their facial features. Your baby’s cute little nose and curious eyes are just starting to form, although right now they merely look like little dark spots on an oversized head. Passages and arches that will grow and develop into parts of Baby Mac’s ears and jaw are forming, and their nose won’t be far behind.

Development of Baby Mac‘s lower body lags behind that of the upper, making them look a bit like a mermaid, and they may already be wiggling their flipper-like arms! Baby Mac is also starting to straighten out from their formerly curled position, and that tail is making its way to its final destination in their back.

These upcoming weeks are some of the most important for Baby Mac developmentally, so if you aren’t on a prenatal vitamin yet, it’s important to start taking one immediately. During this week, Baby Mac’s neural tube is beginning to close,  so it’s especially important to be getting folic acid — from prenatal vitamins, as well as from the rest of your diet — as it can help prevent neural tube defects.

What’s new with you?

A lot of changes are happening!

One big change you might already notice is feeling tired. But not just normal tired. Even though your body hasn’t grown in size much yet, it’s doing a lot of work that can leave you fatigued. Your body is producing significantly more blood than it’s used to in order to get nutrients to Baby Mac, which is an energy expense that may leave you with lower blood pressure and lower blood sugar. The added progesterone coursing around your body could also be tiring you out. If you feel like you can manage, going for a walk, doing some gentle yoga, or engaging in another physical activity that you enjoy might help a bit: the endorphins you release may make you feel less sluggish. And you should listen to what your body needs and rest, nap, or tuck in for bed early as needed.

Your breasts are also likely to be sore at this time, and your nipples may stick out more than normal. This tenderness will probably last through your first trimester, as your breasts continue to grow. This change is completely normal, and is simply a product of increased blood flow to your chest as your body primes itself for breastfeeding.

And if you’re feeling sick to your stomach right now, you aren’t alone — over 70% of pregnant folks experience nausea in the first trimester. During the sixth week of pregnancy over 80% of pregnant folks experience nausea, which often starts in the morning (hence the term “morning sickness”) before dissipating in the early afternoon. However, this term can sometimes be misleading, because nausea during the first trimester is not exclusive to mornings, and that awful feeling could hit you at any point during the day or night. A few things that may help?

Try eating several small snacks throughout the day, avoiding triggering smells, taking your prenatal vitamins with a meal, having food or drinks with ginger, keeping hydrated, and getting plenty of rest. And if you can’t seem to find much relief, be sure to speak with your healthcare provider. And for serious morning sickness or concern for dehydration, you should definitely speak with your healthcare provider.

Beta number 3!

You guys I seriously can’t even believe I get a beta number 3. I had counted us out after beta one and expected bad news for beta 2. What a huge huge surprise we had on Monday. Todays beta test needed to be 543. I went in this morning first thing and did it. Then I went to get a facial to try to relax and calm myself. It worked. I love being pampered. I mean who doesn’t right. 😂

Well the numbers are back and they are 1373!!!! Wow wow wow I’m so excited and shocked yet again. Doubling times should be every 48 to 72 hours they say and ours is 27 hours. Woohooo to say we are excited would be an understatement. I’m still so thankful to God for allowing this to work this time. I know things could still go wrong but I’m learning to be thankful for the here and now. What we have today is incredible and I am so over the moon happy. This little girl is so loved and I’m so lucky to get to help in her life story. How lucky am I! I’m waiting on the call from the clinic still but we will be doing our first ultrasound next week for the heartbeat confirmation. By my calculations on the internet ivf calculator we are 5 weeks today and my due date will be May 18th!!! Sounds like a perfect birthday month. Please keep praying for baby Girl. I started calling her baby Mac because I heard Rodger say it and I thought it was so sweet and adorable. So grow baby Mac grow.

✨Transfer three is meant to be✨

Here is what baby Mac is up to at 5 weeks

Your baby’s developing neural tube, which will become the brain and spinal cord, has recently grown a little tail — so your baby looks like a tiny little tadpole — but this will disappear back into the spinal cord soon. They also have a number of other amazing organs and bodily systems that are continuing to develop, like their digestive system, stomach, liver, nervous system, and, yes, brain.
But Baby Mac isn’t just a brainiac, they’re also full of heart. Baby Mac’s circulatory system is under construction and their heart is already starting to form its different chambers. In fact, a heartbeat may even show up on an ultrasound by the end of the week!
What’s new with you?
Now’s about the time when you’ll be missing your first period. And with pregnancy well under way, some common symptoms of early pregnancy may be starting to pop up. You might be experiencing a few physical effects from the increased production of hormones in your body, including sore breasts and a frequent urge to pee, all of which is totally normal.
Morning sickness, or nausea, is also very common for many folks, especially in the first trimester. The good news is that this usually decreases by the end of the first trimester. But if you’re feeling sick to your stomach at present, there are a few things that may help you get some relief well before then, including eating a several smaller snacks throughout the day, avoiding triggering smells, taking your prenatal vitamins with a meal, having food or drinks with ginger, keeping hydrated, and getting plenty of rest. And if you can’t seem to find much relief, be sure to speak with your healthcare provider.
This can also be a good time to start thinking about the habits that will allow you to feel your best and promote a healthy pregnancy. Among other things, it can help to stay active with movement or exercise that you enjoy, eat nutritious foods that help you feel satiated and good, get enough rest, and start taking a prenatal vitamin high in folic acid if you haven’t yet started doing so. Talk to your healthcare provider if you have questions or concerns about any of these things. The groundwork that you lay now can go a long way toward helping you get the self-care you need throughout pregnancy and even postpartum — you deserve it.

Beta number 2

Well it’s technically still Sunday night but I can’t sleep. I’m so nervous for tomorrow. This weekend went faster then I thought it would have but it was still not fun. I’m just grumpy that our number was 44. I just felt like it was going to be better then that. I also just know too much. I know lower numbers statistically don’t have good results. I know there are exceptions and you all have no idea how much I want us to be an exemption. I want this to be an inspiring story we can tell others that sometimes low numbers are fine and that you don’t have to necessarily worry. I just also want to be cautious and protect my heart. I feel like emotionally I’ve just been beat up if that makes sense? The highs are so exciting and high but man the lows are just so so low. I’m surprised I haven’t even cried since the nurse called me. I’m not sure why. I’m definitely sad but I also feel like I’m so sick of crying about something we have zero control over. I hate that we just have to put all our trust and faith into everyone and everything else. Karen and Rodger are so deserving and it’s so hard to not seem to have an answer on why this hasn’t worked so far. We have done everything right. All the tests, meds, acupuncture and superstitions too! I just want tomorrow to be such a shock and surprise for us all. I want to be able to cry tears of joy. I want Karen and Rodger to be able to be happy and excited for great doubling numbers.

All I can do is pray and hope for great news tomorrow. I’ll post the beta numbers once I can. I will be at work too so that’s going to hopefully help my day go faster and hopefully keep my mind busy regardless of the news.

Beta came in early today. I’m glad because I’m so swamped today at work. Ricky opened it because honestly I was just so scared. You guys the number was HUGE! it went from 44 to 217! I called Karen immediately from the floor and I just ugly cried. I’m still waiting for the drs office to call us but this is very good reassuring news! Thank you to everyone who called, texted, prayed, sent good vibes and wishes I appreciate each and every one of you!!! Today is a good good day. I can’t even believe it.

✨TRANSFER THREE IS MEANT TO BE✨

✨TRANSFER THREE IS MEANT TO BE✨

✨TRANSFER THREE IS MEANT TO BE✨

Beta day!

So it’s been a long hard 10 days since transferring. Remember this time Karen and I decided we wouldn’t test together before I left. As cool as it would be to have a positive test together it just wasn’t working in our favor the last two times and I couldn’t stomach the disappointment again. Once I got home I knew it was going to be hard to not test but I really didn’t want to fall into the pee stick trap where I was peeing 3 times a day and over analyzing each and every line or lack there of.

I had asked Karen when she thought we should test or if she didn’t want to know at all until beta day. She thought Tuesday seemed good because it was 7 days after transferring. I didn’t hold out as long as I wanted because I kept having weird feelings. The random nausea and occasionally I got dizzy. Of course this all could be because of the drugs but I was on the same drugs and same doses each time and I wasn’t nauseous the last two times. So weird. Ricky was a firm no on me testing. The poor guy has to watch me emotionally beat myself up each time it doesn’t work. So he wanted me to just wait for beta day.

I had to get the kids birthday cards so when I was in Walgreens I just happened to walk by the pregnancy tests. 😆 Actually I hunted them down. I was very proud of myself though because I only bought enough for one single test a day! Once I got home I snuck into the bathroom and hid them. Well guess what I found when hiding them. A cheap Walmart test and a cheap strip test. I didn’t think I had any. So I caved and figured what’s that harm In getting rid of these. So I did them. The Walmart test was stark white. 😔 But I swore I could see a tiny something on the strip test. I couldn’t believe it but I just kept it hidden so Ricky wouldn’t see.

This was the strip test.

I was excited but still scared. I showed a handful of people and I was convinced to do a first response that evening to see if anything would pop up.

Here it was! So light but there.

So the next morning would start my once a day tests. I got up to pee and was a bit disappointed when the line was basically the same as the night before. I had to remind myself though that it was less then 12 hours difference and my HGC levels just wouldn’t jump that much over night!

Here is the first and second together.

Now I prayed so so hard the next morning that my test would be noticeably brighter. I needed to feel peace. I was so excited but worried what if it was another chemical/miscarriage. We felt so gutted after that I didn’t want to feel that way again. So I peed and I prayed and prayed for the whole 10 mins before I went to the bathroom to check the test. When I got in there I could see right away it was noticeably brighter!!!! I seriously burst into tears happy thankful tears. I just kept thanking God for this gift of a good bright test. I didn’t have to guess about it getting brighter it was clear to see. I cried in my bathroom floor for probably 10 mins. I was just so happy.

Just look how much brighter this was!

So that brings us to Tuesday. The day Karen wanted to test and know. I asked her Monday night what time she wanted me to call her and she said they had changed their minds and she just wasn’t ready. I totally understood. It’s such an emotional roller coaster. So I kept peeing just once a day and watched the lines. I was so excited that they were still there and much brighter then we had last time but I was still worried knowing really anything can happen and sadly there is nothing we can do to change that. On Thursday Karen texted and said she was finally ready to know. So I sent her all the pictures I had. That brings us up to date until now really. While we are so excited we are equally nervous because we know nothing is a guarantee.

From 4 all the way to 9dpt that was yesterday

I went for my blood work and now I’ll wait all the hours to see what it is. I’m 10 days past transfer and I’m hoping for a number of 100 or more. I think that would help me feel safer. I know some people can have lower numbers and everything still be fine. So I’m trying to not get to caught up in it all. Really the next number doubling is what actually matters! So I’m sure they will have me do another blood draw on Monday and we will wait, pray and hope for a great double time for the numbers.

Beta number is in.

44 is the number. It’s pretty low and not a great start. They said they would be cautiously optimistic. 😔 This is not the number I was hoping for. They did say they have seen numbers like this and they turned out to be successful pregnancy’s so I will wait for Monday to get here and test again. Let’s hope it goes up by then. Pray pray pray.

Beta day!

So it’s been a long hard 10 days since transferring. Remember this time Karen and I decided we wouldn’t test together before I left. As cool as it would be to have a positive test together it just wasn’t working in our favor the last two times and I couldn’t stomach the disappointment again. Once I got home I knew it was going to be hard to not test but I really didn’t want to fall into the pee stick trap where I was peeing 3 times a day and over analyzing each and every line or lack there of.

I had asked Karen when she thought we should test or if she didn’t want to know at all until beta day. She thought Tuesday seemed good because it was 7 days after transferring. I didn’t hold out as long as I wanted because I kept having weird feelings. The random nausea and occasionally I got dizzy. Of course this all could be because of the drugs but I was on the same drugs and same doses each time and I wasn’t nauseous the last two times. So weird. Ricky was a firm no on me testing. The poor guy has to watch me emotionally beat myself up each time it doesn’t work. So he wanted me to just wait for beta day.

I had to get the kids birthday cards so when I was in Walgreens I just happened to walk by the pregnancy tests. 😆 Actually I hunted them down. I was very proud of myself though because I only bought enough for one single test a day! Once I got home I snuck into the bathroom and hid them. Well guess what I found when hiding them. A cheap Walmart test and a cheap strip test. I didn’t think I had any. So I caved and figured what’s that harm In getting rid of these. So I did them. The Walmart test was stark white. 😔 But I swore I could see a tiny something on the strip test. I couldn’t believe it but I just kept it hidden so Ricky wouldn’t see.

This was the strip test.

I was excited but still scared. I showed a handful of people and I was convinced to do a first response that evening to see if anything would pop up.

Here it was! So light but there.

So the next morning would start my once a day tests. I got up to pee and was a bit disappointed when the line was basically the same as the night before. I had to remind myself though that it was less then 12 hours difference and my HGC levels just wouldn’t jump that much over night!

Here is the first and second together.

Now I prayed so so hard the next morning that my test would be noticeably brighter. I needed to feel peace. I was so excited but worried what if it was another chemical/miscarriage. We felt so gutted after that I didn’t want to feel that way again. So I peed and I prayed and prayed for the whole 10 mins before I went to the bathroom to check the test. When I got in there I could see right away it was noticeably brighter!!!! I seriously burst into tears happy thankful tears. I just kept thanking God for this gift of a good bright test. I didn’t have to guess about it getting brighter it was clear to see. I cried in my bathroom floor for probably 10 mins. I was just so happy.

Just look how much brighter this was!

So that brings us to Tuesday. The day Karen wanted to test and know. I asked her Monday night what time she wanted me to call her and she said they had changed their minds and she just wasn’t ready. I totally understood. It’s such an emotional roller coaster. So I kept peeing just once a day and watched the lines. I was so excited that they were still there and much brighter then we had last time but I was still worried knowing really anything can happen and sadly there is nothing we can do to change that. On Thursday Karen texted and said she was finally ready to know. So I sent her all the pictures I had. That brings us up to date until now really. While we are so excited we are equally nervous because we know nothing is a guarantee.

From 4 all the way to 9dpt that was yesterday

I went for my blood work and now I’ll wait all the hours to see what it is. I’m 10 days past transfer and I’m hoping for a number of 100 or more. I think that would help me feel safer. I know some people can have lower numbers and everything still be fine. So I’m trying to not get to caught up in it all. Really the next number doubling is what actually matters! So I’m sure they will have me do another blood draw on Monday and we will wait, pray and hope for a great double time for the numbers.

Beta number is in.

44 is the number. It’s pretty low and not a great start. They said they would be cautiously optimistic. 😔 This is not the number I was hoping for. They did say they have seen numbers like this and they turned out to be successful pregnancy’s so I will wait for Monday to get here and test again. Let’s hope it goes up by then. Pray pray pray.

Today is 5dpt

So today at 10:30 am I was 5 days past transfer. I’m still trying to remain calm and optimistic. I was still feeling pretty nauseous yesterday and had a headache but today that has seemed to go away. I won’t lie that worries me. While obviously I don’t want to feel sick or have a headache it was comforting to know that maybe it was all for a great reason. 😂

The kids had great birthdays and I’m glad I’m off tomorrow too! Happy Labor Day. I have just been lounging around the house and going out to eat with the kids for their birthday picks. Everett picked Applebees and Kailynn picked Sams southern. We also went to church today and I got to pray again for this sweet little girl. Oh how we want her to grow.

I wanted one more pool day before the end of the year but I’m not sure we will get it tomorrow. So we may take the kids fishing and get some ice cream. That seems like a great way to stay busy and who doesn’t love ice cream. Oh also today I got the house decorated for Halloween!!! I love decorating for Halloween and Christmas most! Well that’s my whole update keep praying for us please.

3dpt

Today at around 10:30 we were officially 3 days past transfer. I am flying home today. I know what your all thinking did we test. We’ll be proud of me/us we didn’t! I just couldn’t do it for my mental health. Plus the kids birthdays are tomorrow and Sunday so I don’t want to be sad or ruin their special days. I think it will be good to keep me busy this weekend. Our official blood test is 9/9 so it’s not too far off.

I had a wonderful trip spending time with Karen and Rodger and their new puppy Clarence who is just too cute and really loved me! 😂 He also has razor sharp puppy teeth and isn’t afraid to use them. I took a nap every single day I was there. The transfer went great and the Dr said my lining was nice and thick just like they wanted. Karen and I had a good cry before we even left the house. As soon as Dr Kaplan came in he knew that we were both super nervous/anxious this time. He assured us everything was going to be great. We transferred a sweet hatching baby girl embryo.

We had lots of nice lunches and dinners and for me lots of naps! I joked that I was coming back for more naps because they have a great quiet napping house. I’ve been doing my big butt shots myself still. I definitely prefer doing them. I still can’t believe I let Ricky torture me for so long. Of course I am over analyzing all the little things I feel all day long. I have felt normal this whole time. So it’s hard. I wish we just knew already. I will say after my naps I noticed feeling like my body temperature was hot. Today Karen and I had a big long hug and off I went.

In the car I got super nauseous like really bad. I hadn’t eaten any breakfast and the roads are not great plus the meds I take… So it could totally be that but I’m hoping it’s pregnancy related. I got here and ate and felt better for a bit and honestly now I feel yuck again! It’s so weird to be excited to feel like crap. 😂 I can only hope and pray it’s baby and not all the meds that tell my body it’s pregnant.

✨Transfer three is meant to be✨

✨Transfer three is meant to be✨

✨Transfer three is meant to be✨

Baby girl hatching
My new friend Clarence

Transfer 3 meant to be day!

Today is the day it’s 8:00 am. I slept ok at best last night. I kept waking up and peeing a lot and trying to not think and just fall back asleep. Yesterday I got here early and Karen and I spent the day together running errands and ate sushi for lunch. It was so good. I went to see the girls (Ellie and Grace) they wanted haircuts. 🥰 So they got them. Then I did acupuncture yesterday evening before dinner. It was great. She did a couple spots that I hadn’t had done before. It was great. We had a lovely dinner with drinks and off to bed we went. I’m trying my best to feel great and optimistic but also not get my hopes too far up. It’s a weird balance. I’m still tired now but I know I’ll have time to sleep this afternoon. I prayed during acupuncture and last night that God is picking the perfect little baby embryo for us. That she will be the one and that Dr Kaplan will put her just where she needs to be in my body and that my body is just fluffy enough for her to snuggle right in and grow grow grow.

I seriously had the weirdest dreams last night just over and over one to the next. Probably part of why I couldn’t sleep good. 😆 Today I will get ready and we will be at FCI at 10:15 for transfer. I still have zero pregnancy tests. I’m so proud of myself for not buying any. I just don’t know if I can emotionally do it this time. The fear of it being blank and white or just not dark enough is so scary to me and I just can’t take that part right now. So if anyone sees me in a store and I have one in my hands you come knock it out of there. 😆 I guess we will just see how this part goes.

The plan for today is put baby in. Come back and rest/ watch comedians then do acupuncture again. The laughing is supposed to help do something good. I’m staying here and resting until Friday then it’s back home. That’s when I know the testing stuff will be hard because I won’t be as busy and I’ll have too much time to think.

As always thank you all for the prayers and support they really do mean more to me then you know.

✨Transfer three is meant to be✨

✨Transfer three is meant to be✨

✨Transfer three is meant to be✨

Last ultrasound before transfer!

Ok today was our last ultrasound and blood work before transferring on the 30th! So just 7 days away. I’m happy to report everything looked good lining wise and we are just waiting for my blood work results to come back although I expect them to be fine also. My lining looked to be 14/15 in thickness this week so that’s good they want over a 8 I believe.

We had a great trip in Branson visiting our GG and the kids went back to school yesterday. I’m happy and sad. I love spending summers with the kids but I know they enjoy seeing friends and lord knows they need some structure and less snacks all day! 😂

Karen and I are both feeling excited and anxious. As to be expected I suppose. I still don’t know if I will test this time. My heart and brain are saying no right now at least. I haven’t even bought any tests this time. Usually by now I would have already had a stack ready to go. I’m still hurt by the fact that last time we were pregnant and then suddenly it all just went away. Talk about cruel. We all had the rug ripped from under us. It was just so sad.

I’ve still been doing my acupuncture twice a week and today’s session was my most relaxing yet! I honestly think I fell asleep a bit. I definitely didn’t think I would be able to relax that much knowing I had needles poking out of me. I told Heather my acupuncturist that these were the last two she would see me for and that now all the pressure is on her for our success! Haha She’s so sweet and said she would take all the pressure so I didn’t have it.

Karen already has appointments for me set up when I am in town for the acupuncture the day before and day of transfer. I’m happy to feel like we are doing everything we can to help this little embryo along. We will be transferring another girl this time. I’m praying my body is exactly what she needs and I can provide a soft, fluffy, cozy little home for her until she’s big enough to go live in her home with her mommy and daddy.

Today before I took Everett to school he was asking me if this would be the last baby I would have. I told him I think so as long as the baby sticks in my belly. He said mom you sure have had a lot of babies! I said I know but I really love to be pregnant and have babies. I asked him what he would have thought if I would have wanted that manny babies for our own family and we had to keep them all. He said well I think that’s too many babies for us. Lol he then said if I did have that many to keep he just wanted 4 boys and 4 girls so it could be even. Kids are just so fun.

Well now I’ll just wait for the all clear from Carrie at FCI in chicago. Once she says we are all good I’ll wean off my Lupron this week and I will be doing the big butt shots later this week and all the pills I have to take. Then I’ll fly out Monday and do the transfer on Tuesday. Remember the new motto!

✨TRANSFER THREE IS MEANT TO BE ✨

✨TRANSFER THREE IS MEANT TO BE✨

✨TRANSFER THREE IS MEANT TO BE✨