I’ve been on the Lupron but today was our first ultrasound and blood work. I got up got there. I was just expecting my usual when all the sudden she says oh well looks like you have a fibroid! I was shocked and didn’t know what to think. I immediately said well I bet this cycle is canceled. I have never had a fibroid as far as I know but I figured no way it was a good thing. My ultra sonographer was so sweet and did her best to talk me off my ledge. She explained that they are very common and that it was actually super tiny and not at all in the way of my lining. It was nice but I definitely was still upset. I even told her I probably wouldn’t see her next week. 😔

As soon as I got to the car I called Karen. I explained what they say and that the ultra sonographer was not worried but I really was. I was super upset because they made me be put under for the HSC procedure to check for any polyps scar tissue etc. this was literally 30 days ago and they said everything was all good and clear. How the heck does this just happen? I was honestly heart broken. I just felt like my body was giving up on us. I called Ricky and he was nice and too calm about it all. I just wanted someone else to also feel horrible about the news and to be sad and angry with me but he wasn’t. He told me there was only room for one of us to be all worried and worked up. That’s true and I’m glad he didn’t also freak out with me. It really wouldn’t have done me any good.

I went straight to acupuncture and was in tears. Going twice a week I feel like we are all besties there now. 😂 The girls were so kind and I explained what the ultrasound showed and Heather just listened and put in my needles. I closed my eyes and just rested and prayed. I prayed it would go away and that it wouldn’t be an issue for baby being able to implant. I prayed that we wouldn’t have to cancel it all and do more tests and procedures. I actually really did get to relax while I was there. I did feel more calm and at peace while I was laying there. I needed that because I was obnoxiously stressed and anxious at this point.

Once I was done I went to the car to come home and I decided to just call FCI and ask to talk to a nurse. Thankfully I was able to get through quickly and tell her what happened and ask her opinion. I knew she didn’t have the official report yet but I told her I just couldn’t wait all day waiting to hear if it was likely going to be bad news. So I told her everything I was told and waited for her to tell me what I just knew was the bad news coming our way. 😔

Much to my surprise she wasn’t surprised or shocked in the least. She said it was super common and that if didn’t sound like I should be worried at all. She said obviously she needed to see the report and have the DR go over it but that she didn’t expect it to be anything to worry about especially since we just did the HSC test. This was very reassuring for the time being. I called Karen and cried a bit because I was so relieved that my body was still ok and working hard for us.

I real take this so so seriously! It’s not lost on me how much trust these families have put into me. I just need to learn to not put so much pressure on myself. I know I can only do so much it’s just hard to remind myself of that. I had to wait a few more hours to wait for the other nurse to call me and really confirm all was ok. I let the doubts and anxiety slip back in. I always go to the worst case scenarios.

When she called I was of course with a client at work but she was so kind and let me answer. Thankfully they re confirmed all was still a go and that it was super super tiny and not of concern. I could have cried again. So in a few days now I will be adding in the estrogen to start bulking up and building my lining to a super thick and cozy home the new little embryo! I’m praying so hard that this little one is actually the one. The third times the charm!!!

I’m hoping at next week’s appointment my fibroid has just disappeared or that it at least stays small and doesn’t get in the way of anything. Thanks as usual to everyone for the thoughts and prayers during all this. It’s such a crazy roller coaster of emotions. I’ll update next week after our next appointment.